Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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