dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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