you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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