I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
