Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
