I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
