My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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