Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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