I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
