i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
