I want you more than these girls want KFC
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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