C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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