your parents love me but you hate me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
