guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
