Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
