I didn't shave. On purpose
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
