Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
