God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
