omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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