I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
