And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
