you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
