Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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