I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
