i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
