Sry I called you an 8
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
