The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
