I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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