Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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