I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
