So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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