So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
