yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
