I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
