the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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