First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
