it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
