No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
