I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
