when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
