Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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