I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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