I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
