I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
