I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
