i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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