so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
