And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
