I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
