It's Friday. Sex?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
