There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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