We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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