they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
