We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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