I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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