I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
