youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize