The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
