Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
