You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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