Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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