It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
