where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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