so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
