Already got asked if we're dating
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
