Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
