We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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