If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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