Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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