Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
