can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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