When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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