I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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